Forgiveness Over Fury

Forgiveness Over Fury

Lessons from Absalom's Story

Every now and then when reading the Bible, we come across stories that make us wonder, "Why is this in here?" Some biblical figures get barely a mention, while others receive extensive coverage despite seeming less significant in the grand narrative.

Take Absalom, for example. He was the third son of King David, not in line for the throne, and not in the lineage of Christ. Yet his story spans six chapters in 2 Samuel (chapters 13-18). Why would God dedicate so much space to this seemingly peripheral character?

Who Was Absalom?

Second Samuel 14:25 tells us that "In all Israel there was no one so much to be praised for his handsome appearance. From the sole of his foot to the crown of his head, there was no blemish in him." Absalom was physically perfect, charismatic, and attractive. But his story reveals something far darker beneath the surface.

The Tragedy That Started It All

The story begins with Absalom's half-sister Tamar being violated by their half-brother Amnon, David's firstborn son. After forcing himself on Tamar, Amnon immediately despised her and sent her away. Tamar was devastated, going from a bright young woman to one who was broken.

Absalom discovered what happened and made sure David knew about it. But apparently, David didn't handle the situation as Absalom hoped. So, Absalom waited—for two years. Then he invited Amnon to dinner and had his servants kill him.

How Does Bitterness Grow Into Destruction?

After killing Amnon, Absalom fled. David grieved both the loss of Amnon and Absalom's absence. Eventually, David allowed Absalom to return and gave him "the kiss of reconciliation"—essentially saying, "I know what you did, but I'm not going to hold it against you."

This should have been a turning point for Absalom. Instead, his rage continued to seethe beneath the surface. Eleven years after Tamar's violation, Absalom was still consumed by it—so much so that he named his own daughter Tamar.

For four years, Absalom sat at the city gate, positioning himself as a judge and turning people's hearts against David. Eventually, he raised an army to overthrow his father. When David fled Jerusalem, Absalom took over the palace and, in a horrific display of revenge, publicly violated David's ten concubines.

What Happens When Rage Consumes Us?

Absalom's end was as tragic as his life. While fleeing from David's army, his famous long hair got caught in an oak tree, leaving him hanging defenseless. Though David had ordered his men to protect Absalom, his commander Joab thrust three javelins through Absalom's body and threw him into a ditch covered with stones.

Six chapters of Scripture detail this quiet rage that seethed beneath Absalom's surface, eventually destroying him. But why is this story in the Bible?

David vs. Absalom: Two Responses to Tragedy

David experienced the same tragedy as Absalom—Tamar was his daughter, and Amnon was his son. You could argue David's tragedy was even worse. Both men faced the same choice: forgive or take revenge.

Absalom chose rage and fury. David chose mercy and forgiveness.

Throughout his life, David consistently extended mercy:

·      He spared Saul's life when he could have killed him

·      He let Shimei live when the man threw stones at him

·      He ordered his soldiers to protect Absalom despite his son's betrayal

David was "a man after God's own heart," and his pattern of extending mercy reveals something profound about God's character.

Why Can't I Just Forget What Happened to Me?

The Bible says it's impossible to go through life without being offended. Everyone will experience betrayal, hurt, or offense. Some offenses are boulders—like what happened to Tamar. Others are pebbles in our shoes. But sometimes those small irritations can be the most dangerous because they fester beneath the surface while we pretend everything is fine.

When someone hurts us, we have two choices:

·      Follow Absalom's path of rage, which leads to ruin

·      Follow David's path of mercy, which leads to life

You may think, "I forgave them, but every time I think about it, the anger wells up again." That's normal. Forgiveness isn't a one-time event but an ongoing choice. We need the supernatural power of the Holy Spirit to truly forgive, especially for deep wounds.

What Does the Bible Say About Forgiveness?

In Romans 12:17-19, Paul writes:

·      "Repay no one evil for evil"

·      "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all"

·      "Never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God"

When we try to take revenge, we're essentially saying we know better than God. We're handcuffing God from handling the situation in His perfect way.

Psychologists have discovered something fascinating: when you choose to forgive, your brain literally activates healing in your body. Conversely, refusing to forgive physically harms you. Unforgiveness hurts you more than the person who wronged you.

How Far Should I Go in Forgiving Others?

Paul doesn't just tell us to forgive; he challenges us to go further: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink" (Romans 12:20). When you bless the person who hurt you, you empower God to do something supernatural in both your lives.

Peter once asked Jesus how many times he should forgive—seven times? Jesus answered, "Seventy times seven" (490 times). That's essentially saying forgiveness should be unlimited.

Life Application

Some of us are dealing with boulder-sized offenses—family members murdered or violated. Others are dealing with pebbles in our shoes—small irritations that fester beneath the surface. Both require the same response: choosing mercy over rage, forgiveness over fury.

This week, identify an area where you've been holding onto unforgiveness. It might be a major betrayal or a minor slight that you've allowed to grow in importance. Ask yourself:

·      Am I more like Absalom or David in how I respond to hurt?

·      What would it look like to truly release this person to God?

·      How might my life change if I chose to be "made by mercy" rather than "ruined by rage"?

Remember, forgiveness isn't about saying what happened was okay. It's about freeing yourself from the prison of bitterness. It's about saying, "God, I trust you to handle this situation better than I can."

Choose today to be made by mercy, not ruined by rage. Your physical, emotional, and spiritual health depend on it.