Men, Lead Your Family
Men, we’re supposed to lead our families, or so we are told. We are told that God has called us to be the spiritual head of the house. Yet, many men find this to be very difficult. After all, what does it mean to be a spiritual leader and how do we do it?
To begin with, we often have a misperception of what it means to be spiritual. For example, women find it much easier to go into deep intercessory prayer for their families than do men. Women find it easier to enter into a personal sense of worship. We perceive this to mean they must be more spiritual. As a result, we relinquish our spiritual responsibilities to them.
To be clear, women are spiritual leaders, and we see many examples of this in both the Old Testament and the New Testament. However, that does not excuse us from our responsibilities.
So, how can men be the spiritual leader in their home? Answer - lead by example. Your wife and your children see the life you live and they will, in many ways, imitate you.
Whether good or bad, children do follow our example. In the Old Testament we see that Abraham lied about Sarah being his wife, and, like his father, Isaac lied about Rebekah being his wife. Another example of children imitating their parents is found in the story of Eli and Samuel. Eli, the high priest of Israel, failed to discipline his boys and they became a nuisance to the nation of Israel. Samuel, the boy who would follow Eli, repeated Eli’s mistakes and failed to discipline his boys. In the New Testament, Zacharias questioned the angel. In turn, his son John the Baptist questioned Jesus.
Children will not always mimic everything their parents do. However, they will be influenced by their parents for the positive or the negative. Therefore, the best way to lead your family and to combat the evils of this world is through your example.
Here are six ways we can lead by example.
Number one: EXAMPLE FAITHFULNESS TO CHURCH.
Where you invest or spend your time tells your children your priorities. Investing time in the house of God lets your children know that it is a priority. If you want your children to understand the value of following Jesus, then they must know that you value His house.
Studies show that when fathers are not regular attenders of church, the likelihood that their children will be regular attenders drops by 60%.
Hebrews 10:25 (NLT), “And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.”
If you stay home to watch a ball game - you are telling your kids that the ball game is more important than God.
Number two: EXAMPLE SERVING OTHERS
If you want your child to serve others, they must see you serving others. If you want your child to have compassion for the down and out, they must see a concern in you for the down and out.
Sadly, you won’t have to example selfishness; they’ll get that on their own. But if you want them to be people who serve others as Christ served others, you will have to lead them by example.
James 1:27 (NLT), “Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.”
Matthew 25:40 (NLT) “And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’
Number three: EXAMPLE PERSONAL DEVOTION
If you want your child to read the Bible, they must see you reading the Bible - or, at least know that you read it. If you want your child to pray, they must know that you pray. If you want your child to worship, they must know that you worship.
Deuteronomy 6:4-9 (NLT), “Listen, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD alone. And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”
Number four: EXAMPLE RESPECT
Fearing you is not the same as respecting and honoring you.
Example respect for your children by respecting their mom. If you want your children to respect their mom, and for your sons to respect their wives - then you must respect their mom. Don’t let them play you against each other.
Ephesians 5:28 (NLT), “In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.
Ephesians 5:33 (NLT), “So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
Lead your children to respect others by showing them respect. As children grow the way we communicate with them progressively changes. Likewise, the way we show them respect should also change. Respect them for where they are in life – if they’re sixteen, don’t disrespect them by treating them the same as when they were fourteen. Our children need our respect. When they don’t receive it, they will become frustrated in the parent-child relationship.
Colossians 3:21 (NLT), “Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.”
Number five: EXAMPLE INTEGRITY
To lead by example, you must set clear guidelines for both you and your family. Often times parents send mixed messages because they ask one thing of their children, but then they do something else. For example, if you don’t want your children using foul language, then set the example by making sure that you abstain from foul language.
When you mess up, and you will, don’t try to make excuses. Instead, admit your mistake and work to make things right. Your children will respect you more when you own up to your failure than if you ignore it.
Your children are intelligent. If you do not example integrity before them, you are teaching them that it is okay to ignore right and wrong.
Proverbs 28:6 (NLT), “Better to be poor and honest than to be dishonest and rich.”
Number six: EXAMPLE A BALANCED LIFE
A balanced life requires that we schedule time for God, for work, for rest, and for play. Ministry is a must, if we want our children to serve God. And, work is a must, if we want to provide for our families. Rest is a must, if we want to be healthy. And, play is a must if we want to enjoy our children. But too much or too little of any will be detrimental – we must example balance.
Ephesians 5:15-16 (NLT), “So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days.”
What we do, our children will do. Therefore, lead your family by choosing what you want them to be and then commit yourself to exampling it before them. Since children do what we do and not what we say, let your actions do all the talking.